How Assuming the Best in Others Can Change Your Life

The Empathy Experiment: How Kindness and Perspective-Taking Can Transform Daily Life

We have all had days when it seems entirely clear to us that everyone is horrible. They're rude, inconsiderate, closed-minded, bigoted, or selfish. A driver cuts you off, a young man on the bus sitting in a priority seat pretends not to notice that you need a seat more than he does, the barista gets your order wrong and is salty when you speak up, your boss is unappreciative and gruff, a friend doesn't answer your WhatsApp messages even though you know they've seen them. With each such experience, you become angry and less and less willing to give anyone slack.

You start prejudging everyone you encounter, expecting the worst and acting the way you expect to be treated in order to avoid the expected slight. Each offense adds another layer to your growing conviction that people are unbearable and not worth interacting with. It’s easy to assume the worst: People - all people - are just awful.

Sometimes, in a slightly more charitable mood we think 'Okay, maybe not everyone is awful—just most people.' But even that assumption shapes how we interact with the world. We're certain that the majority are not decent human beings.

But what if we’re wrong?

What if, instead of assuming the worst in others, we assumed the best?

What if, instead of assuming the worst in others, we assumed the best? What if we actively worked to shift our perspective? It might feel like responding to rudeness with anger will give us control over the situation, but waging anger only fuels the cycle. What if we wage empathy instead?

It sounds almost naive, right? But here’s the thing—what we assume about others affects not just how we treat them, but also how we feel and act ourselves. Our assumptions aren’t formed in isolation—they’re shaped by the world around us. News and social media amplify negativity, prioritizing stories of corruption, violence, and conflict over moments of kindness and decency. Over time, we absorb this lens, seeing threats where there are none and expecting the worst from people we don’t even know. But what if we actively worked to shift this perspective? This kind of mental shift is known as perspective-taking—the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and imagine what they might be experiencing. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have for breaking cycles of frustration and misunderstanding. 

Consider that most people are hungry for a kind word, a smile, a moment of connection.

So, why not try a simple experiment in kindness and perspective-taking? For one week, try to assume that every person who annoys you is not acting out of malice, but out of stress, distraction, or just plain human imperfection. See what happens when you challenge the narrative that the world is full of enemies, and instead, consider the possibility that most people are simply doing their best with what they have. Consider that most people are hungry for a kind word, a smile, a moment of connection.

Act as if it is so. And let’s see what happens.

Why Do We Assume the Worst? The Science Behind Negative Assumptions and Kindness

We all do it—jump to conclusions about other people's intentions. But why? Psychology offers some explanations, and they’re surprisingly simple.

Our brains take shortcuts, and those shortcuts aren’t always fair. We’re wired to notice the negative more than the positive (Negativity Bias), to assume people’s actions reflect their character rather than their situation (Fundamental Attribution Error), and to expect hostility when we’re feeling defensive (Hostile Attribution Bias).

We often find ourselves reacting to small slights as if they are personal attacks. One major reason is the Fundamental Attribution Error—we tend to attribute other people's behavior to their character (they're rude, inconsiderate, selfish) while explaining our own bad behavior in terms of circumstances (I was stressed, I had a bad day).

Another factor is Negativity Bias—our brains naturally give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. This was useful for survival in the past, but in everyday life, it makes us overly sensitive to small annoyances.

There’s also the Hostile Attribution Bias, where some people are more prone to seeing others' actions as hostile or intentional, often due to past negative experiences. This can create a cycle of defensiveness and conflict.

When we’re stressed or overwhelmed, we’re more likely to react emotionally rather than think things through. And cultural norms—especially in individualistic societies like the UK and USA—teach us to see others’ actions as personal choices rather than responses to circumstances.

And the media? It amplifies negativity. Scandals, conflict, and outrage make headlines, while everyday kindness barely gets a mention. The more we see negative behavior highlighted, the more we assume that’s just how people are.

• A stranger bumps into us on the street? Rude.

• A coworker doesn’t say good morning? Self-centred.

• Someone takes ages to reply to a text? Inconsiderate.

But what if…

The stranger was just lost in thought? The coworker was having a bad morning? The friend was overwhelmed and forgot?

sometimes, what looks like anger or rudeness is actually pain in disguise

More often than not, people’s actions are shaped by their own circumstances, thoughts, and emotions—not necessarily by a conscious intent to disregard or offend us. And sometimes, what looks like anger or rudeness is actually pain in disguise. Not everyone expresses suffering with tears—some people, especially around strangers, mask it with defensiveness, impatience, or even hostility.

The person snapping at the cashier might have just received devastating news. The driver cutting you off might be replaying the argument that ended their marriage. When we assume the worst, we miss the deeper reality: hurt people don’t always look hurt. This doesn’t mean people are always considerate, but it does mean that their behavior is often more about what they’re dealing with than about us personally. Yet, we often interpret them as personal, as if they reflect how much we matter to others.

The Challenge: Practicing Kindness and Empathy for One Week

For the next seven days, make the choice to wage empathy. When someone does something that irritates you, instead of jumping to a negative assumption, try this:

1. Pause. Take a breath before reacting. When we pause, we give our brains time to shift out of instinctive, emotional reactions and into a more thoughtful response. The extra moment allows us to move from our immediate 'fight or flight' reaction—driven by the limbic system—toward a calmer, more rational perspective.

2. Flip the Story. Instead of thinking they’re awful, try 'maybe they’re struggling today.' Often, what comes across as anger or rudeness is actually pain in disguise. Not everyone expresses suffering with tears—some people, especially around strangers, mask it with defensiveness, impatience, or even hostility. The person snapping at the cashier might be carrying a heavy personal loss. The driver cutting you off might be lost in thoughts of a failing marriage. When we assume the worst, we miss the deeper reality: hurt people don’t always look hurt.

3. Respond with Kindness. If appropriate, offer patience, understanding, or even a smile. This isn't about excusing bad behavior, nor is it about weakness. Choosing kindness and perspective-taking isn’t surrender—it’s strength. Imagine two spaceships encountering each other in deep space, unsure of the other's intentions. The first ship, sensing potential hostility, fires, expecting retaliation. But instead of striking back, the second ship activates a shimmering energy shield, absorbing the blast. Then, instead of returning fire, it transmits a message of peace. Kindness is like that shield—it’s not about surrender, but about refusing to be dragged into destructive cycles of negativity. It protects us from unnecessary stress and conflict while opening the door to better outcomes. It's about pausing, shifting our response, and opening up space for understanding—both in ourselves and others.

The Mental Health Benefits of Kindness, Perspective-Taking, and Rehumanisation

At first, this might feel unnatural, even frustrating. We’re used to defending ourselves against perceived slights. But something strange tends to happen when we shift our perspective:

• We feel less stressed. Carrying around constant irritation is exhausting. When we stop assuming the worst, we free ourselves from unnecessary frustration and resentment. Our minds feel lighter, and we experience more moments of ease rather than tension.

• We see more humanity in others. We begin to recognize that people are not just obstacles in our day, but individuals with their own struggles, emotions, and intentions. Too often, we move through life seeing others—at best—as part of the background and—at worst—as mere inconveniences to navigate around. This process of shifting our perspective is a kind of rehumanisation, where we undo the habit of reducing others to faceless annoyances and instead see them as fully human, just like ourselves. This shift helps us engage with more patience and compassion, creating space for more meaningful interactions. It benefits us, too—when we humanize others, we foster a sense of connection, reduce our own stress, and invite the same understanding in return. 

• People respond better. When we approach others with kindness and non-judgment, we create an environment where positive interactions are more likely. A softer approach can defuse tension, make room for more cooperation, and sometimes even inspire others to act with more patience and generosity themselves.

Picture this: A man snaps at a café server. It seems rude, inconsiderate—until you overhear him mention that he just got terrible news. Now the whole situation feels different. That’s the power of perspective—a shift in how we interpret the world around us can change our reactions and our relationships.

How Small Acts of Kindness Can Bridge Social Divides: A Grocery Store Encounter

A woman was standing in line at the grocery store, exhausted after a long day. As she inched forward, she noticed the man ahead of her moving painfully slowly, fumbling with his wallet and holding up the queue. Her frustration bubbled up—why is this taking so long? Doesn’t he realize people are waiting?

Just as she was about to sigh and roll her eyes, she caught a glimpse of his shaking hands. Something softened in her. Instead of huffing impatiently, she gently asked, Would you like some help?

The man looked up, startled. "Oh—yes, please. My hands aren’t what they used to be. I just lost my wife, and everything feels harder these days."

The woman felt a lump rise in her throat. Just moments earlier, she had written him off as inconsiderate. Now, she saw a grieving husband doing his best to navigate a world that suddenly felt too heavy.

She helped him count his change, and when he finished, he turned to her and said, "Thank you. People don’t have much patience these days. This meant a lot."

What if she had just sighed and looked away? Instead, she paused, shifted her perspective, and turned what could have been an exasperating moment into a small act of human connection.

How Kindness and Emotional Intelligence Can Change Your Perspective

Are you up for the challenge? For one week, assume the best in others. When someone cuts you off, imagine they’re rushing to an emergency. When a friend is late, assume they got caught up rather than just being careless.

And then, observe how it changes your experience.

You might find that the world feels just a little kinder—not because it actually changed, but because your perspective did.

Let’s give it a go. What do you think? Are you in?